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| This is why I never write on xanga- at least on myspace other people comment... | | |
| So I have two questions for everyone out there... weird, but I swear they are, I think, sort of linked- at least for me.
First- Does anyone really out any stock in dreams? I don't mean people analyzing them with dream books and trying to find out if a blue tiger really symbolizes you're wning sex drive and your desire to travel. I mean more comon-sense analysis. As in, do you wonder if the things that happen in your dreams are like little notes from your subconscious? Just the sub telling the rest of you that even though YOU think everything is normal, it doesn't. And here's how it ties in with the fears. If you have a recurring theme in your dreams- an unpleasant theme like someone dying or something going very wrong in a friendship- does that mean your subconscious is trying to let you know that deep down you're scared to death of it happening? And even further, if you are subconsciously that scared of something, so much so that every dream you have about a person ends in a certain way, is your subconsious trying tell you something else? Is it trying to let you in on the fact that maybe something is wrong that you're not willing to acknowledge?
Second- What are you all afraid of? What are the things that REALLY scare you- not monsters or spiders, but, like, more personal psychological things? Are you scared of being alone, scared of opening up, scared of both? Actually, go ahead and throw in the spiders too, I guess. I'll start.
I'm afraid of:
The dark- more specifically, what or who could be hiding there. I hate being the last person in the house to go to bed because of it.
Being betrayed by people- I have a hard time trusting others.
Opening up to people- because of the above.
Failure and, along with it, disappointing others.
That my family doesn't really love me, and would literally disown me if they knew me well, which they don't.
Seriously, everyone- I would realy appreciate feedback on this one. Thanks. | | |
| And if they want to arrest me for treason, that's fine by me, because I'd be better off in jail. Jon and I got our taxes done tonight... he got $300 more than me in refunds. Want to know why? Because I made more money. Not a lot more, mind you- no, I made a couple hundred more than he did, as in a little over $10,000 while he made a little under. And I get that they charge more in taxes if you make more money, because it doesn't make sense for Bill Gates to only pay $61 in taxes. But to be fair, it also doesn't make sense for someone who made barely over $10,000 to get almost no tax money back in refunds. We both paid in almost the same amount in taxes... but I got SO much less of it back. And if you make more, then shouldn't you pay more in to begin with, and then proportionally get more back?
I DO NOT make enough money for the government to keep any of it. Seriously- 70% of my pay every month goes straight to rent, and then 10% goes to student loans. Then I have utilities to pay- heat, water, trash, electricity. Add in groceries, car insurance and gas, and well, I don't make enough to pay everything. It's ridiculous, and there's no way to pay off any of my other bills.
Speaking of which, I'm not bitching about this because I just want money. I had absolutely no intentions of spending this money on fun stuff. No shopping sprees, no clothes, no new shoes, no movies or nights out on the town. I wanted the money back to pay off bills I acquired in college-many of which were not my doing... I know lots of people think that's just an excuse, but anyone who knows my history knows it's true. Some of them are my fault, many of them really aren't. Either way, all I wanted was to clear my bills so that my credit would improve, I would be able to get housing on my own, and I would be able to go into the Peace Corps. The one thing besides bills that I was going to use the money for was the registration fee for the 3 Day Walk for breast cancer.
I guess it just feels like if my goal is to be responsible with my money, I shouldn't get screwed out of it. I know people who get thousands of dollars back and spend it on new gadgets, etc. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! I need money, and with the pathetic government paycheck I get from being an AmeriCorps member, It won't get any better any time soon.
Since we're on the subject of our country's shortcomings, Jon and I are now watching Shark. Poor Jon is actuallty shocked that the D.A.s on the show think the murderer will get off by using the "vigilante justice" defense. The thing that I have always hated about our justice system and the jury system in particular is that people are fallible- emotional: read- not reliable. People think using everything but their brains, especially in a murder case where the victim was anything but perfectly loveable and innocent. The guy was mean or hurt someone, or took advantage of people, and regardless of the fact that it is still ILLEGAL to kill him, it somehow becomes okay. Whatever. I'm in a bad mood. | | |
| Allan makes a very good point. It has been about 5 months since I posted on xanga. In this time I have been posting VERY regularly on myspace. This is ironic, considering that I much prefer xanga to myspace. As a matter of fact, I almost HATE myspace. Unfortunately for you, well, only unfortunate if you really care, I suppose- so more unfortunate for me, there are FAR more people on myspace than there are on xanga. Now I'm not one of those to have over 100 random people on my friends list, so don't think that's the issue. But there are only maybe (stress the maybe) 5 people to check my xanga, as opposed to, well, only about 20 or so who check it on myspace. Also, a big part of it is that I'm lazy. So once I've updated myspace, I don't particularly feel like doing it here. But for tonight I am snubbing the myspace universe. So here I am. Wish I had something important or even interesting to say.
Well- I was chased by squirrels earlier this week. Here's a question for you- ethical in nature:
Is it wrong for SOME members of an organization to take a holiday off and expect, even require, others to work anyway? I did eventually get to take Good Friday off, but only because someone pitched a fit. The entirety of the office staff has been planning to take this weekend off all year. They decided, however, that we were significantly behind enough in construction to warrant working a weekend we usually would be getting off. We eventually got to take today off because no crews signed up to work and because we effusively promised to do lots of extra work in the days leading up to today. I still have to work tomorrow. Really, this wouldn't bug me, other than that the people in the office get to have a long weekend...
I am of the opinion that it is either a holiday or it is not. it should not be half and half.
What do you guys think? | | |
| I asked Mae about this a couple weeks ago...
I believe strongly in God. I really do, and I believe in His love for us as His creations. But I have to say that I think it waas unfair at best to create men and women to be together (we'll get to same-sex couples in a minute) and then ALSO create us with two distinctly different thought processes and ways of communicating... I mean, couldn't God have thrown us a bone? At least let us think similarly... geez!
And as for same-sex couples, well, do they really fare any better? I always think of the scene from Rent where Joanne and Maureen have their big fight and sing "Take Me or Leave Me." I mean, I wouldn't want to deal with another chick all the time, because it seems like it would be TOO similar... and I don't know about guys, but it seems like they might have the same problem. So... while I've never been in the situation, I imagine they have communication/understanding problems too, because they think sort of in the same ways, but, at least stereotypically, both women would be too emotional, and both men would be too logical. Now, I know that not everyone fits into those ideas of man and woman, but still. I don't know. It seems like a problem everyone in a relationship faces, and I just wish there was some easy way to fix it.
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